Khaberni - Behind the locked doors of the closets in many Jordanian homes, stories still throb despite the absence: woolen coats retaining the fragrance of the departed, watches that stopped at the moment of loss, and belongings that the living endow with a halo of silent reverence, forming what is called emotional hoarding that links the present with the past, yet at the same time restricts or postpones the possibility of using these possessions for benefits that could extend to others.
This emotional hoarding poses increasing questions about the balance between two values: loyalty to the departed on one side and calls for reusing these belongings in charitable works that keep the impact alive and generate benefits beyond memory.
In the legal framework, the General Iftaa Department confirms to the Jordanian News Agency (Petra) that everything owned by the deceased, whether cash, real estate, movables, or personal belongings such as clothing and others, constitutes a legal inheritance that goes to all heirs, male and female, and is divided among them according to the shares prescribed in Islamic law.
The department emphasized that it is not permissible for any of the heirs to dispose of any part of the inheritance or to retain it without the agreement of the other heirs if they are of legal adult age, or without considering the rights of the minors.
It explained that if the heirs agree to donate some of the belongings, such as clothes, there is no objection to that. However, if one of them demands their share, they should be given what corresponds to the value of their legal share, and the rest is dealt with according to what is agreed upon, explaining that the belongings can be distributed by mutual agreement, or evaluated and their value divided, or donated, provided that the rights of all heirs are preserved and no part of the estate is disposed of before division or without their permission.
Regarding the reasons why some keep the deceased's belongings, opinions varied between personal attachment, symbolic value, and the desire to utilize them in a way that achieves benefit or redistributes them; Ahmed Bshaireh said he keeps his father's watch because it reminds him of him at all times, while Samar Bani Yoonis explained that she donated her mother's clothes because it aligns with her mother’s love for doing good. However, Khaled Obaidat noted that he keeps items of symbolic value like photographs and works on distributing other belongings so that others may benefit from them.
In her answer, Umm Fares Al-Khatib says that she was content with some belongings after realizing that keeping all items causes psychological stress, while Abu Laith believes that the seniors' belongings constitute a part of the family history. Meanwhile, Rawan Bshaireh emphasized the importance of achieving a balance between keeping those that hold memories and managing the rest of the belongings in a way that secures continued benefit.
From the perspective of researchers in sociology and psychology, Professor Dr. Hussein Mahadin believes that keeping the belongings of the deceased reflects a deeply ingrained nature in the Arab mind that tends to evoke the past and draw inspiration from its symbols in the present, explaining that over time these belongings become an emotional bridge that connects the living with their roots, and a symbolic fuel that enhances feelings of pride and belonging, especially if the deceased had a significant social standing.
Mahadin added that this legacy branches into material and symbolic, although the material is often used to highlight the social standing, especially in a male context where ancestors' belongings are celebrated more than others. He pointed out that these practices appear in social occasions, like wearing the grandfather's robe or evoking his symbolic status.
The psychologist Suha Abu Ghoush explained that from a scientific understanding, some people's feelings of guilt when dealing with the deceased's belongings are linked to several psychological theories, including attachment theory, where these items become a symbolic extension of the deceased, making their loss feel like losing them all over again. She mentioned the concept of continuing bonds, where the person does not emotionally separate from the deceased but maintains an internal relationship with them, making the belongings a symbolic means for this relationship.
Abu Ghoush explains that detaching from the deceased/ departed involves correcting the distorted idea that disposing of the deceased's items equates to forgetting, while the real relationship with the departed exists within the person and not in the objects, pointing out that keeping the belongings does not necessarily indicate stronger love, but rather reflects the difficulty of moving from a material attachment to an internal psychological bond.
In her answer about emotional hoarding, she says that it is initially seen as a natural defensive mechanism, providing a sense of calming and control amid the experience of loss, clarifying that over time it becomes a barrier leading to what is known as complicated grief, making it difficult to accept loss and rebuild life, leaving the person stuck in the past.
She notes that building an alternative non-material memory is possible through methods like narrative therapy and meaning therapy, and through effective scientific strategies, including symbolic continuation, like writing letters to the deceased and having an internal dialogue with them, as well as evoking what they might have said in different situations. She explained that this encompasses a legacy of values, where it is not just about preserving objects but maintaining what the person represented in life; if they were supportive, this support is evoked and practiced, and if they were generous, this generosity is embodied in behavior.
Amid all the intense emotions and valuable scientific and philosophical diagnostics, the belongings of the departed remain a sensitive human space that oscillates between loyalty to memory and the demands of life's progression amidst calls for reutilizing them in a way that achieves a lasting impact, balancing between preserving memory and imparting new life to the fragrance of the departed and the absence of loved ones.
