Khaberni - Some believe that kindness is always the solution, but the truth is that excessive kindness can be harsh on oneself and even on others.
Psychology research shows that excessive complaisance can lead to exhaustion and resentment, and even encourage harmful behaviors in others. According to a report published by the Global English Editing website, the truth is that there are moments when setting strict boundaries and saying "no" is the kindest thing one can do, as follows:
1. Repeatedly ignoring someone's boundaries
Being kind to those who cross personal boundaries does not make one compassionate, but rather weak in character. Among such examples is the person who always asks for "just one favor" after having been refused three times? Or the colleague who dumps their duties on someone despite that person's busy schedule. The psychological aspect here is clear, as when one does not set boundaries, it teaches others how to treat them exploitatively. A simple answer like "this does not work for me" should be sufficient.
2. Manipulative behavior
Manipulators have a sixth sense for detecting "nice" people anywhere. They target those who dislike conflict, who wish happiness for everyone, and who prefer to suffer quietly rather than stir problems. They mercilessly exploit this kindness.
Psychologists call this "pathological altruism," happening when a person's desire to help causes harm. When one is nice to manipulators, they not only harm themselves but also reinforce their toxic patterns. To handle these situations, one must be straightforward and firm.
3. During Negotiations
Whether one is negotiating a salary, a business deal, or even who will do the dishes, excessive kindness can lead to a loss of entitlements. Defending one's rights is not selfish, but necessary.
Research in negotiation psychology indicates that negotiators who tend to be excessively kind often lose significant amounts of money. They accept initial offers, avoid asking for what they want, and prioritize the other party's comfort over their interests.
4. Deliberate exploitation of generosity
There is a difference between aiding those in need and becoming a source of emotional support or a vent for others' feelings. There are people who only reach out when they need something. They tell endless painful stories. They seem not to learn from their mistakes because they know someone will always save them.
Psychological research on enabling behaviors shows that continuously rescuing others from their problems prevents them from developing resilience and problem-solving skills. It can be kinder to let others face the consequences of their choices. It may seem harsh, but growth rarely occurs in comfort zones.
5. When protecting oneself or others from harm
It may seem obvious, but you'd be surprised how many try to be "nice" to their abusers or harassers, or those threatening their safety.
They utter phrases like: "I don't want to hurt his feelings." or "Maybe I'm overreacting." or "Maybe they are having a tough day." This approach should be stopped immediately. One's own safety is more important than others' feelings.
Psychological research on threat detection shows that people often overlook their intuition in favor of social niceties. Experts advise trusting one's gut if they feel uncomfortable around someone, and not to underestimate the situation or worry about being considered rude. One can speak up loudly and ask for help.
6. When proving worth and expertise
Excessive kindness in the workplace translates to being overlooked, undervalued, and even underpaid. It is important to learn that there is a time to speak frankly and prove your expertise.
Psychology shows that self-advocacy is crucial for career advancement. If one does not tell others about their achievements, others will assume they have none. If misconceptions about one's work are not corrected, they can become reality.
7. When dealing with toxic family relationships
Just because someone shares one's genes does not give them the right to treat them poorly. Family relationships need the same respect and boundaries as any other relationship, if not more.
Psychological research on family systems shows that being "nice" in a dysfunctional family often means becoming a scapegoat or fixer. One becomes responsible for everyone's emotions while theirs are ignored. Experts recommend addressing conflicts directly instead of letting resentment build up, which means having difficult conversations with family members who overstep boundaries. Refusing to feel guilty means choosing one's mental health over family harmony.
