Khaberni - Often, the day ends with negative feelings between the spouses due to an unresolved dispute, especially if the issue has been discussed throughout the day.
Many believe that the best solution is to not go to bed angry, but relationship experts see that this rule can be misleading, and sometimes harmful.
In this regard, Samantha Whitten, a clinical psychologist in Maryland, said: "This is completely wrong. What usually happens is that the spouses argue when they are tired, and this does not lead to a real solution."
Why should one not insist on resolving the disputes before bed?
Arguing late at night usually does not yield results, especially when both parties are exhausted or stressed. According to Whitten, discussing in such conditions exposes the relationship to additional stress, not resolution. She mentioned the concept of "HALT," which is a mental reminder not to engage in serious discussions while hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.
What is the solution?
Sabrina Romanoff, a clinical psychologist in New York, believes that acknowledging the problem and pausing to determine a suitable time to discuss it, often proves better than forcing a quick resolution before bed. She added that this could be done the next day during lunch or coffee, at a time when both parties are more calm and ready for dialogue.
Romanoff said: "This requires skill and confidence that your partner will return to discuss the matter later."
Whitten explained that many couples have one partner who feels they cannot sleep without resolving the dispute, reflecting anxiety and discomfort. However, complete avoidance is not a solution either; the issue needs temporary space and then returning to the discussion at an appropriate time. The goal is for both parties to feel safe and reassured, and to agree on a time to discuss the dispute, because the relationship is more important than one argument.
Tips to Avoid Disputes Before They Occur
Romanoff suggested that spouses maintain regular communication, even through simple initiatives like asking about the other's condition. This creates a supportive environment and offers a chance to address matters before they escalate.
In case of a problem, she advised using "I" statements, clarifying needs, and creating a plan to address them. She said: "Timing is everything in communication."
