How do you maintain your relationships from collapsing?.. Learn the art of overlooking
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How do you handle contraction and expansion in your life? Examples from the Quran
Khaberni - Dr. Amr Khaled, the Islamic preacher, said that the lessons of the Quran are not limited to guidance, faith, and the healing of pains, but it leads you to understand life through a set of rules.
In the twenty-third episode of his Ramadan program "Guide - A Journey with the Quran," Khaled presented five Quranic rules to help you manage life, as follows:
1- Analyzing Speech
He clarified that the Quran teaches you to analyze speech and not to deal superficially with it, or believe it without thinking, because the Quran's way is to put people's words in front of you and does not give you a vision, so you analyze it yourself.
Khaled listed examples of this from the Quran: "When they said, 'Joseph and his brother are more beloved to our father than we are, and we are a strong group. Indeed our father is in clear error'"; apparently, from their words, our master Jacob - peace be upon him - preferred Joseph - peace be upon him - over them, but as they described themselves "and we are a strong group", he was more attentive to him, because he was a stranger among them and compensated him with tenderness and mercy.
He refers to what the Quran narrates about Joseph's brothers: "One of them said, 'Do not kill Joseph but throw him into the bottom of the well, some travelers will pick him up if you are to do [something]';" apparently, he loved him and was worried about him, but in reality, he was thinking of a way to get rid of him without killing him directly.
2- The art of overlooking
Khaled advised adopting the art of overlooking or missing out, in order to be happy and relaxed, and to maintain your relationships, as indicated by the Quranic model in the story of Joseph: "They said, 'If he steals, a brother of his has stolen before.' But Joseph kept it in his heart and did not show it to them..."; Joseph - peace be upon him - ignored their words about him and their accusation of stealing.
He warned that one of the things that most corrupt relationships between spouses, partners, friends, or parents with their children is when one party remains silent due to weakness or fear of spoiling the relationship while the other continues to repeat mistakes or direct criticisms, which eventually leads to an explosion.
Khaled presented a prophetic prescription that protects relationships from collapsing, through achieving a balance between the two: the courage to express what you like and dislike, and the ability to overlook, as the Prophet, peace be upon him, used to do: "And when the Prophet disclosed a matter in confidence to one of his wives, then when she narrated it [to another] and Allah made it known to him, he made known part of it and ignored a part."; meaning, he reprimanded her for a certain part, and overlooked another part, as a kind of balance, and after a period of calm "when he informed her of it," he overlooked for a while and later informed: she asked, "Who told you this?" He replied, "The All-Knowing, the Acquainted."
He mentioned three conditions: when to overlook and when to confront? What cannot be changed in the other party (overlook), what can be tolerated (overlook), what happens rarely (overlook), and the opposite is true.
3- The art of flexibly dealing with pathological attachment
Khaled demonstrated how to flexibly deal with pathological attachment, which occurs when a person invokes something you wish to achieve, but the response to it is delayed, through flexibility in dealing with contraction and expansion (from the beautiful names of Allah, Al-Qabid Al-Basit), what is contracted from you, leave it and watch it from a distance and pray occasionally, and what is expanded for you, hurry up and take space.
4- The success recipe in life
He emphasized that the recipe for success is manifested in 4 verses: Set a goal for your life, "And be moderate in your pace," and excel in your work, "Indeed, We will not lose the reward of one who did well"; consult people of specialization and expertise to ensure that you are on the right path, "So ask the people of remembrance if you do not know," and do not pay attention to people "And let none of you turn from it [Our command] and proceed [accordingly] wherever you are commanded."
5- Striving and knocking on doors and facing challenges
Khaled confirmed that the world wants those who strive in it and knock on doors, and if one falls, hurry and rise again until he achieves what he aims for, "Do people think that they will be left saying, 'We believe' and they will not be tested?," and in the middle of the chapter, a call for man to be strong in facing what he is exposed to by crises, and not be weak and fragile, "The example of those who take protectors other than Allah is like that of the spider who takes a home; and indeed, the weakest of homes is the home of the spider. If only they knew., and at the end of the chapter: "And those who strive for Us - We will surely guide them to Our ways. And indeed, Allah is with the doers of good."; i.e., move, strive, and repeat the attempt.
To watch the episode click here
