Khaberni - Many parents experience a daily explosion moment when a child refuses to wear their shoes, throws their toy, pushes their sibling, and everyone is pressed for time. That’s when the decisive statement comes out: "No TV today!" or "I will take your toy for hours."
But, is this approach really effective?
Psychological therapist Anna Mathur believes that depriving a child of their toys or privileges may stop the behavior temporarily, but rarely teaches them what they should do instead.
She explains that the child often focuses on the loss itself, not on understanding the reason for the mistake or the impact of their behavior on others.
She adds that this type of punishment generates more fear and discomfort than it does true awareness. The child learns not empathy, responsibility, or how to regulate their emotions, but only how to avoid punishment.
Mathur sees that the only situation where taking something away is logical is when it involves safety, not discipline. For example, if a child is throwing a toy, it makes sense to remove it because they are not using it safely, and this is a preventive measure, not a punitive one.
Mathur points out that the quick recourse to punishment often reflects the parents' stress more than it serves the child's learning, stressing that "communication first, then education, then consequences" is the most effective sequence.
A child learns best when they feel safe, not afraid. What might appear as "bad behavior" could actually be a result of tiredness, hunger, or overwhelming emotions they have not yet learned how to express.
The psychological therapist advises parents to ask a simple question before any reaction: Do I want to punish, or do I want to teach?
Experts recommend focusing on reinforcing positive behavior more than punishing the negative, such as praising the child when they tidy up their toys rather than just intervening when they make a mistake.
Mathur concludes that children repeat what gets attention, and noticing kindness, effort, and attempts at improvement have a stronger impact than constantly focusing on mistakes.
